It comes and goes I don’t know why
It’s like anger rage fear

Wrapped up as one
Inside my head I scream

Inside my head I cry
No control over the feelings
No way to get away

No matter how far I run
It never goes away.

  There were always so many dreams that would repeat themselves.  Even years later she’d have a same dream, all detail and actions played out the same ways. The people looked and said all the same things, the beginning, middle and end all the same.  Until that one dream, when in the middle she decided to change it. She was still asleep but had realized she dreamt all this before.  Finally shouting and stomping her foot she yelled “hey this is my dream and I don’t want it to end like that..”.  So she changed it, the scene switched, she got into the car and drove away instead of being taken away, by who, she didn’t know.  She just knew this person, this dark figure would show up from time to time and take her away.  She had dreams where he was chasing her and she’d try to run but it was too hard. Her body would move so slow as her heart would race.  Finally in one of these really bad dreams she woke herself up.  For once she could tell her sleeping self “it’s just a dream wake up!”  And within seconds she’d wake up. Frozen at first only being able to open her eyes than finally able to move her body. But how, other people she’d tell this to wouldn’t believe it because  they couldn’t do these things or even remember their dreams.  How could it be she could at times control hers and why the same dreams.  There were times she felt a dream was so real that maybe she was somewhere else when she’d be asleep. She’d sometimes feel she had traveled somewhere, talked to people she’d never knew before but than the conversations would be cut short because she’d wake up but could almost always remember it all. 

Where had this power come from?  What was it for, but to help her in that other realm.   

It always seemed that no matter where she’d go, what she’d say or how hard she tried that it wasn’t  good enough. She considered herself a nice, easy going person.  Never caused problems or try to be negative, too much.  It could sometimes be hard being stuck at what felt like a dead end job day in and day out.  Still with all the layoffs and changes in pay she’d try to look at the positives in life and move forward.  She’d try her hardest to be there for friends and family, whenever they were down and out she’d try to be that shoulder or hug that was so needed.

    Only when it was her turn there was no one to be found. No one to comfort or reassure her that it could be ok again. She would always have to leave, leave herself and this place behind and find her own comfort.  And that’s why when the other realm revealed itself, especially after her loss she didn’t hesitate one moment. She was already sure she wasn’t good enough for this ‘real’ world so why not go and see another.

She’s always wanted more to this life.  The same old routine, work, friends and family, is all nice but she’s always wanted something different.  She always put her heart in all she would do till the day it broke.  A broken heart can sting, and left her in two instead of the one whole person she once was.  So afraid to give, afraid to be taken, so afraid of life. She puts on a smile and always tried to see the best in people and all situations. But one that she had no control over, the final one, changed all that. She still goes day by day and shows this world a smile…but could there be another. Another place she can run away to hide and maybe even be happy. Could there be more to this small thing we call life….?